I admit....

I know everyone wants to read a blog about Obama and Palin or Wall street and the lehman bankruptcy etc etc etc, but thats sad shit, so i thought i would give you guys an eyeball into who I am.....enjoy.

(this is my attempt at trying humorous writing, probably not too good at it, but we shall see)

Right now I am laughing hysterically at each and every one of you, because you all think I am smart and hard working etc etc. Well it wasnt always the case....as a child I think I was retarded. and I dont mean that in a funny way, I mean I think i had some sort of compulsive ADD retardation mix that was never quite understood or diagnosed.
let me explain....I started to notice i was different from the other kids when I started K-3 and realized i had an obsession with touching things, and not just touching things, but touching them in exactly the same way, order, and with the same part of my body. Shit was crazy...I would walk into class and do a lap around the class "pinky finger to pencil sharpener" then "index finger and left thumb to chalkboard" and all the other kids were probably watching me as i did my ritual, but i didnt notice it was my own private full retard moment of each and every day. then when I finished with stepping my right foot onto the left leg of the rocking chair I would join the rest of the class in the circle like all was right in the world.
I feel sorry for my mother, cause I have always been ashamed to ask cause the truth would probably hurt, but i REALLY hope she got a C-section when she had me, or else i fear I am the reason I was her last child cause when i say i had a ginormous head as a kid...I mean I had a head that rivals the dimensions of not a football....but a football field. Imagine my head the size it is right now (its still big but i have grown into it some) on a 3 year old......fuck you for laughing, but when i see pictures of myself as a child I cant help but apologize to my mother everytime, I apologize for all the sweaters i tore to shreds when she was trying to fit them over the ginormous hook that was sharp as a knife....I apologize for all the times I bumped heads with her and people thought my father was beating her, i apologized for the dents i put in her car when i banged my head against it to prove to my sister it really didnt hurt.....and this was the 80's when cars were still made of steel.....Steel was no match for my juggernaut of a head.

I had to be the dumbest smart kid in the world, I would just do the DUMBEST shit and think I was smart enough to get away with it...like i peed in the bed will I was like 17 or some shit (yes I started college when I just turned 17, so thats why I met so many girls in the laundry room, cause i had a daily task of washing sheets) but when i was younger and would pee in the bed I would try and be slick and change my underwear before my mother woke up. who the fuck knows what my simple ass did with the dirty one's but i guess I wasnt thinking about the bed smelling like Urine from an 80 year old man who hadnt drank water in 3 weeks. So when my mom would wake me up for school and obviously smell the urine, and ask if i peed in the bed I'd be like "nope" and she would give me the "you think i'm stupid look" and i would proudly hop up and show her my clean Pj's and underwear like "HA" gotcha....then she would push my head (obviously sending me wildly out of balance from a complete loss of equilibrium, as i realized keeping my head steady was difficult and very necessary for my and other's safety)...then she would look at the sheets and proceed to whoop my assfor lying, where i promptly would piss myself again thus soiling the clean underwear i had just put on.....

(part 2 coming soon)

if you read this please comment, it is another OCD of mine, but i like to come back and re-read blogs after some time and see people's comments/thoughts if you don't feel like commenting....dont.....just know that God will make your children suffer from ginormous head and OCD and they will urinate in the bed till they are 32 years old!